There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
