you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
