he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.