So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something