Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED