yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?