i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?