Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
