I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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