fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...