sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.