i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.