Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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