i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.