I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.