i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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