Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen