you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
