Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"

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  (913): id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!" http://tfl.nu/e9j9
  Replies (5) Good night (2374) Bad night (545)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.

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  (931): there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover. http://tfl.nu/oxnt
  Replies (27) Good night (899) Bad night (1850)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think I took your hangover as a birthday present

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  (740): I think I took your hangover as a birthday present http://tfl.nu/q2lj
  Replies (5) Good night (2002) Bad night (697)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?

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  (484): Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen? http://tfl.nu/hkbt
  Replies (5) Good night (2762) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

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  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4746) Bad night (966)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

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  (443): just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?! http://tfl.nu/h1we
  Replies (13) Good night (6727) Bad night (1107)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.

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  (303): Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron. http://tfl.nu/c12y
  Replies (4) Good night (1616) Bad night (1487)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Not worth it.

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  (973): She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene. (1-973): Not worth it. http://tfl.nu/l4pk
  Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (1301)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...

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  (818): I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke... http://tfl.nu/h1hr
  Replies (3) Good night (2007) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.

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  (610): How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you. http://tfl.nu/fpwy
  Replies (8) Good night (2431) Bad night (664)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.

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  (412): I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again. http://tfl.nu/wa46
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (1345)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.

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  (406): We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/u1e7
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.

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  (573): You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night. http://tfl.nu/alam
  Replies (6) Good night (1262) Bad night (450)
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  (707): View more from California

  I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.

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  (707): I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made. http://tfl.nu/x9xf
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans

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  (570): Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans http://tfl.nu/4qeg
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (731)

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