i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy