Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
