bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
