How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
