They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
