its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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