I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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