She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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