I have demons in me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sex in a hospital.. check
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
