Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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