I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
