Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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