Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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