is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.