im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.