No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?