***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
