i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
