I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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