she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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