i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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