mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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