I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
