Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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