Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This baby is an asshole
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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