I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He passed out mid-signature
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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