somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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