Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
