i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
