Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize