Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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