I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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