I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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