woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tonight lets celebrate not being married
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
