i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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