in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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