Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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