dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
