burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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