is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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