dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
