It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
