literally had 100 drinks last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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