Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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