I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
